How To Release Buried Traumas And Don’t Tell Me To Look Within For Love

If you have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, or if you feel stressed, a little confused, or you’re struggling with an addiction… relationship dramas… health issues… or you’re not immensely fulfilled with your life as it is… there’s a good chance you’ve got some hidden buried traumas.

These create energy blocks in your mind-body, and these can affect any area of your life in a not so fun way.

Energy blocks are caused from a build up of things like environmental toxins, or internalized fears, self-loathing, shocking events from the past, buried heartaches, disappointments and shattered dreams. And we all have them, unless we’ve been able to clear those pathways and keep them open.

There are all kinds of psychology techniques, self-help guides and health programs for releasing buried traumas or energy blocks. But the reason why these programs rarely work in a lasting way is because they fail to resolve our deepest issue: the lack of real love in our life.


What We Think Is Love Isn’t Really Love

In order to let go of our raw, painful inner turmoil and even accumulated toxins… we need a strong element of safety in a healing atmosphere. We have to feel a genuine sense of compassion, understanding, knowledge and voluntary devotion in our life before we can open up our wounded self. This is smart. It’s so we don’t get hurt again or create more problems.

Where do we find this safe space of healing and genuine love? Sure, some of us have a supportive family, and there are plenty of doctors, healers and psychotherapists out there… but whom we can really trust? Who really loves us? Don’t professionals just want our money? Aren’t they just giving something to get something? Even the most devoted families have very strict rules or requirements of behavior….

Wouldn’t the world have a lot less poverty, war, mental illness and… stress… if we were all functioning on real love? What even is real love? Our soul knows what real love is. Our deepest self also knows that most of the love we’ve experienced is shallow or unfulfilling, and that’s why we keeping longing for something more than what we have.

Don’t Tell Me To Look Within For Love

It annoys me when someone says to look within to find love. I’ve repeated that mantra to others and that annoys me too. When I looked within, all I saw was pain and sadness from all the neglect, betrayal and abandonment, or I was missing someone.

All I could see were the proclamations of love in the world, along with the amazing human ability to walk past a homeless person on the street, as if they weren’t even there. Yes, we discover love within but that’s no excuse to look away from the world’s atrocities and life’s sufferings.

Plus, love is a wonderful thing to experience in and of ourself, but what’s the point of having love if I can’t express it and experience genuine connections with others?

And please stop telling me that if I truly loved others, I wouldn’t feel anger, trepidation, repulsion or even hate. Or sex and romance. Sure, most sex and romance isn’t close, intimate love in the slightest. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be. Deep down, we all know that it can, and should be.

Love And Lust

I used to think that love sounded boring compared to the dangerous romance or possessive relationship. That’s because I was comparing abusive love to boring love. I was comparing the secret hot extramarital affair to a stale routine affair of marriage. Neither one is necessarily an intimate connection.

Lust is actually a surface level love, if it’s love at all. In reality, it’s not even there. Lust ignores the reality of another person’s faults and quirks and focuses instead on a perception of fantasy. That’s why lust dies out after the honeymoon. All the inner unfulfillment we hoped a relationship would cure comes flooding back when the fantasy wears off.

Do we know a lover’s favorite time of the day, what makes them laugh, the day of their birth, their deepest longing, greatest wound or their highest hope? No? Then that isn’t love; that’s a Disney movie playing out in our heads.

The Dark Side Of Love

In contrast, real love gets intimately deep into our honest fears, buried emotional pain and even our dark side…. But love doesn’t use those things against us; it loves us even more because of them. That relationship is challenging, and it’s real.

Love also has to be incredibly self-confident and chemically passionate, or else it will get buried by those aforementioned fears and emotional pain. But our ability to feel hurt, and all of our emotions, will always be present.

Most so-called love ignores our darkness and suffering. It pretends it isn’t there or it makes excuses for it. If you’ve ever seen someone blind to their partner’s faults, or a parent laughing it off when their kid hits another kid on the playground, you’re not looking at love. That’s something else. A heart that can feel love can also feel pain, deeply.

Our Emotions Know When We’re Loved So Maybe Don’t Ignore Them

Love doesn’t only exist for what we consider to be “our own”. Our heart is either open to all, or closed to all. And that is perfectly okay if our heart is closed. We have valid reasons for that.

But let’s not be fooled if someone tells us they love us, yet prioritizes their love by putting someone or something else before us. Sure, love might be cultivated in different ways with different people, but we still know when we’ve been left out in the cold.

When I was a young mom, a family took me in as their own. The parents called me their daughter, they invited me to all their family events and made me feel like I belonged. But one day we all piled into a tourist van while we were in Eastern Europe, and there weren’t enough seatbelts for all of us. As the seats were assigned, I noticed that everyone in the family got a seatbelt except myself and my newborn baby.

As the van pulled away from the curb into traffic I thought, “Did that just happen?” It took everything in me to hold back the burning tears, as I strapped my baby tightly into his carseat and held on to him tight. Looking back I wish I would’ve jumped out of the van with my child and walked away, but I didn’t feel at that time that I really deserved love….

Some people would say that family had every right to deny my child and I a seatbelt. They might say parents have more responsibility for their own children, blah, blah, blah…. But no, that is not love. Real love would’ve asked for a van that had enough functioning seatbelts, or would’ve asked for volunteers to go without one, or would’ve at the very least ensured that all the children had seatbelts.

The Steep Price Of Possession

I also began to notice the list of expectations this family had on me. As long as I devoted myself to them and their religious beliefs, then I could be a member of their clan. I eventually realized I didn’t have enough time and energy to be everything they wanted, nor the desire to even compel me. Love sure seemed to require a lot of exhaustive work and sacrifice….

When couples are married for over fifty years, people look at them and assume they must really love each other. And maybe they do. But sometimes, if we look a little closer, we see a sort of blank look in their eyes. Their love is more like a daily routine or a desperate clinging, unless they’re trying really hard to convince themselves otherwise.

All they’ve really accomplished is learning how to sacrifice their own souls for the expectations of a marriage. And when one partner dies, the other falls apart too. This is because they didn’t lose a partner; they lost their own self that falsely identified as their partner.

Love requires freedom for individuals to be individual as well as to individually evolve. This doesn’t mean that people will never commit themselves to each other. In fact, individuality is the only way we can truly commit to each other and create a safe space of intimacy.

Otherwise we struggle with a disappointing lackluster, a feeling that we’re not safe, or a longing to break free from said relationship. Our soul knows that trust, devotion and realness can’t be cultivated in an obligatory relationship. Love has to be voluntary – every day, every moment.


Love Is Very, Very Aware

Love also has to be awake. Love doesn’t profess love to one person then turn an ignorant eye to human poverty, animal cruelty, patriarchy, rape culture, social discrimination, suicides and profiteering illness….

The more connected we are with love, the more keenly aware we are of hate. If we’re not feeling the suffering of all, and doing our part to change the world – not as a moral duty or to earn a good reputation, but as an undying passion – we have not yet awakened to actual love.

The way our society currently functions is not based on love, but on fear and possession. Have you ever tried to get out of a mobile phone contract after your contract has ended? After we spend an excessive amount of time on the phone with customer service and jump through all the hoops, then pay even more money to turn our phone off, they ask us the question “Why do you want to cancel your service?” If we answer them, they use that personal information to manipulate us back into another contract.

This is how we relate to our world every day – through monopolized business transactions. We’re born on this planet with abundant resources. A few privileged families take ownership of these resources and then dole them out to a hierarchy of people who serve their agenda. Those who don’t sacrifice their soul to an organization or by complying to the system will not survive. The very premise of our existence isn’t based on love and freedom, but ignorance and slavery. This is why we’ve all got buried traumas.


Enter The Painful Light

Believe it or not, there’s an advantage to living in a world where we’re forced to close off our heart in order to survive. Eventually, we wake up to the immensity of our loneliness and lack of real intimacy, and there’s something very cathartic about admitting that.

That cathartic sting also motivates us toward something else. We intuitively sense that love is awake, passionate, real and intimately devoted… and it has to be out there somewhere.

We innately know that love is “out there” somewhere because it’s also “in here” within the knowing passions of our own fire-consuming soul. When our heart is closed, we’re disconnected from what we really feel and what we really want. We’re disconnected from our own self. We live unconsciously, on robot-mode, unaware of our buried pain that’s inwardly killing us. Or we resort to fantasy.

Our Crises Are The Cries Of Our Soul

As the toxins and unhappiness builds up within our mind-body, it often takes a crisis, or even a series of them, to wake us up. We lose a loved one that we’d taken for granted. Or we end up in the hospital, or we’re forced to file for bankruptcy…. It’s usually a loss of some kind that awakens us to our great fear of being separated from love and all that’s good.

If we could only be with our loved one again, then we could finally experience the love we don’t have…. All the things we could accomplish if we just had our health back…. And if we had money again, we’d travel to this place and that place, and all over the world!

We experience loss as a crisis because deep within, we know that love can’t be lost or separated… because that’s not the nature of real love. Love isn’t supposed to leave us. It isn’t supposed to take something from us. Something isn’t right. There’s a disturbance in the force.

Why aren’t we experiencing passionate, safe and lasting love when we know we should be? It’s because our heart is closed and we’ve lost the conscious connection to our own soul of existence.


Waking Up

I’m not sure what it takes for each of us to reawaken to the passionate and fulfilling reality of existence. It’s something different for every unique, individual life path. But at some point, we will each rise up with all the fire of our burning soul and unashamedly proclaim that we deserve love, real love.

We deserve it because we want it. We want it because it’s who we are, and it’s unnatural to be without it. No, it’s not okay for someone to treat us with hate or a fake love. But we know that real love is there, somewhere.

Eventually we courageously admit to our honest desires and passions, as well as the truth of what love really is – the truth we know that doesn’t need convincing.

All I can say is that it’s there, within us all. It’s often buried underneath a lot of pain, suffering and fear, but that’s actually when love is there the most. It’s right…. there. Here and now. All around us.

Real Love Is Simply Being Our Real Self

If we can just bravely connect with a tiny bit of our honest self, that will naturally release some of the buried pain, and it’s just a process. It’s a matter of creating new mental habits and saying, “This is not the real me. I’m going to go over here or do this other thing, so I can safely express the real me….” over and over again.

The more we express our real self in our external world, the more we experience real love in real places with real people… and we inspire others to do the same. We find that we experience genuine connections in all kinds of unexpected ways, and so we broaden our understanding of what it means to relate to people and simply be alive. The more we experience authentic love, the more it expands.

Then the Earth won’t need fear and suffering to use as protective steel walls around the core of its heart. We can let those go. We can relax, and let everything go. We’re safe now.

We can follow our passions wherever they lead, and live the life we want… intimately and safely, even in a really messed up world. In fact, a messed up world provides more opportunities.

Because we know internally that we can never be separate from love no matter how many mistakes are made or how painful reality is. We understand that people hurt people because of internal pain, and that they want love just as much as we do.

Our mistakes make us more honest and real in fact. We can never be separate from love because we can never be separate from our raw, honest self – which includes a whole range of emotions. We can find safe, trusting love everywhere that we are, and everywhere that others are. If we can be ourself.

Elizabeth, also known as Intuitive Fish, is a healthy vegan mama living in the Pacific Northwest. Her life mission involves researching the esoteric arts, guiding souls along their awakening path, and contributing to a world of humans doing what they love. She’s available for readings and counseling, and would love to be your friend on social media.