In my last post about waking up to who I really am – a Starseed Witch, I mentioned that sometimes when I look out at the moon and the stars, they cause me to burst into tears.
This also happens sometimes when I sit down in the morning with my freshly ground coffee… my beautiful crystals and tarot cards… listening to soul-touching music…. Then I take a moment to look out the window at the mountains and evergreens of the amazing Pacific Northwest….
As I let everything go and simply “be” in the present moment, it’s a beautiful feeling of bliss. But for some reason, tears well up in my eyes, because that bliss is also painful… excruciatingly painful…. What’s going on there?
I began to realize I feel sad because I miss my family, not necessarily my human family as much as I like them too. But my true family, and my true home – the home of my soul, where I ultimately belong and come from.
I cry because I realize I’m far away from home. I’m separate from love because Earth is a place to go to feel “separate” for a while….
The Great Separation
In actuality, many of the people in our lives – family, friends, acquaintances, even a passerby on the street – are our true family, our soul family….
But when we incarnate into these human bodies together, in a sense we become disconnected from each other. We lose touch with that intimate love we once experienced, or perhaps that we still do experience in parallel universes.
But our programmed society on Earth teaches us that life is a competition, and that it’s perfectly normal to be quite cruel to each other in order to survive. Racism, sexism, classism, ableism and general human disrespect across the globe becomes our new normal.
Being removed from our conscious awareness, our deeper self, all of a sudden we’re capable of hurting each other in very unconscious ways. And we do. All of us. Even the nice people.
So we put on our hipster masks, invest in shallow or temporary, pseudo-love relationships, and build steel walls of non-emotion around our heart. We do everything we can to keep others – and subsequently life too – removed from our most intimate, raw and honest self, in order to protect our vulnerable self.
How Do We Find Our True Family?
I grew up in a pretty great human family. Even though we had our share of dysfunctional neglect and abuse… somehow the love survived. I have priceless memories of going to the beach together, eating Mexican food (I grew up in Southern California) and joking around in ways that only we as a family could get the hilariousness of the joke.
But there was a deeper “me” that needed more space to evolve and “become” outside of that family structure. It took years, decades even, to discover that more real me. And the more I awakened to my soul, the more disconnected I felt from others, not only from my human family but the vast majority of people in my life.
Relationship structures in the human realm seem generally limited in that they might not fully allow an individual to expand into our unique and honest self. And I don’t see how genuine relationships can happen without genuine individuals. This is why we discover our true family by discovering our true self.
But it’s understandable that we limit ourselves, because relationships are painful. Maybe there are times we just want to get out of this whole human nightmare…. I don’t have a lot of answers for that, except that deep love also seems to manifest from deep pain….
My True Family
For whatever reasons, I began to sense that I had other parents, or maybe another parent other than the ones I grew up with. I also began to feel that my real family was somewhere out there, as in really out there – in space, or possibly even a different universe.
Not only that, some family members are currently close by, as in somewhere within the Earth’s energy field. They’re here to visit, in order to check up on me….
They know the deeper, real me, as well as all the joy, wonder, learning and heartaches that I’ve been through. They not only know me – like really know me – and know what’s going on in my life, but they care. They very much care.
The Intensity of Real Love
There are no words to describe what that kind of love feels like, especially after feeling so disconnected from it for so long – many lifetimes possibly.
You know that feeling when you’ve been through something horrific and then it’s finally over, and a close friend walks over and hugs you? It causes you to finally let go and fall apart, after trying so hard to be so strong for so long. Maybe you even break down and cry tears of release. Tears that have been bottled up for a very long time.
When I realized I had a soul family, I thought, “I have a family? A real family? Me? There are people that know me and love the raw honest me just the way I am?” I think I was still a little afraid to believe it, but somehow I was opening up to the possibility of it.
How Do We Know That We’re Deeply Loved By A Family That Cares About Us?
I know within that it has to be true, because a soul family is what I so passionately long for, even while being so afraid of love…. If love isn’t an aspect of me, then why do I want it? Why do I care that I’m missing it? Why does even the thought of love bring out sadness after being disconnected from it?
It Requires Courage And Strength To Wake Up To Real Love
The process of awakening to a deeper love is just as painful as it is blissful. I can only handle so much of that awakening in increments. My body and mind need time to rewire their structural codes and release old energy patterns to make room for new ones.
As the natural turmoil of change occurs, I need to stay anchored to the security within my deeper self – trusting that my real family is there for me and I love them too. They’ve been helping me from behind the scenes so they don’t interfere with my free will.
The emotional pain of past hurts, and long-standing fears that I might not ever find love… needs time to flush out of all the cells in my body and even my DNA. This allows space for new thoughts and experiences to come in – a new conscious awareness. And new love. As well as new and transformed relationships.
We Were Never Actually Separated
I have a feeling that the more I wake up to the memories of my real home, my real family – the love I know is out there somewhere – the more I’ll wake up to the love on this planet too. Love that is all around me, if I could only open my raw, honest and vulnerable heart to it.
I’ll probably realize that I was never actually separated from my family and other beings who love me. This is because love is within me, within all of us, and who we really are. Love goes wherever we go because it’s our true nature.
Sometimes we have to leave our family and home for a while…. Sometimes our love consciousness gets buried underneath pain and suffering for a time…. But that’s only so we can awaken to a deeper level of it.